a new year and a new pain
It's like so...the minute the clock strikes 00:00 it means that you have a chance to start over...Im sorry to tell all of you and myself that sometimes getting a new start doesn't always mean startin fresh...You sometimes have to start from zero...
get a new job or educations, get new friends, get a new place to live, get a new car, get a new love, new life, new city, new pain...more pain...even if you get alot of new starts you always have to say goodbye to alot..
It's like you can have space for all the old if you are going to get the new...
Every year I try to learn myself from what I did wrong so that I could be greater at the new year...
And every year you get more pressure and pressure... It is exactly like during highschool...Every year you have to start over and every time it's as equally painful...
Here's a list of my new years eve disasters...
2003, My cousins came to gothenburg to celebrate...And I haven't met the youngest of the cousingroup...she is like a copy of me with same interest etc.etc...Only part is that she is the better one in the eyes of the relatives...Well I wouldn't have been so upset by it if they wouldn't have told me...5 minutes before midnight...but well it's hard hearing it when you are 16...so my new years I spend it all alone at a playground with one firecracker...
2004. My cousins came to visit once again...and I was trying to brace myself by taking the little cousin to the icerink...
It's not the cousin that I don't like..I love her..it's the comparisions and pointing out...well anyways....it became the breaking point when my aunt yelled out why can't you do a spin?
I should have realized that I don't do iceskating...at least not the jumps..But somehow I did...I skate and I jumped...and I hurt myself really badly and had to spend new years eve sitting in the kitchen with my cat and a bowl of chips...
2005, first new years eve away from the family...I was spending time with my boyfriend and his family...out in the bush...the coldest freaking place on earth...no tv...no nothing...there's nothing you could do...and Im a city-girl so sitting in a house that had no heat surounded by woods and mountains wasn't really that funny...
We fell asleep at 00:15 fun really fun...after 2 weeks we broke up...
2006 a new boyfriend and a new city...and new bunch of people...
if there is anything that I hate is when boyfriends get themselfs drunk and then ask me if I can help them...dude what are your friends for...Im not your mother...ofcourse Im the girlfriend..but as much as you guys is in denial that we girls do nr 2 at the bathroom as much do we hate to take care of you when you are drunk...
So I end up yelling at him to take care of himself...got myself pretty drunk...and almost got rape by a lesbian girl
2007 finally I got to spend time with friends...good friends with good food and all...
only problem was that I had made plans with 3 different groups of friends....
One at the other side of the town the other one was in the middle of the town...and the other group I didn't know where they where...and trying to find a cab 23:40 isn't that smart...so I spend my new years on a mountain running around in heels trying to catch a bus...and had to walk down all the way down...after a while I found myself without friends and barefoot in the middle of the winter in the middle of central station...fell asleep at 02:00
2008. well let's see what happens tonight...All I know is that life somehow always manage to get me into trouble...really unpredictable...
I hate that...I have so much things to think about and so much to fix...
Happy new year..yeah sure
get a new job or educations, get new friends, get a new place to live, get a new car, get a new love, new life, new city, new pain...more pain...even if you get alot of new starts you always have to say goodbye to alot..
It's like you can have space for all the old if you are going to get the new...
Every year I try to learn myself from what I did wrong so that I could be greater at the new year...
And every year you get more pressure and pressure... It is exactly like during highschool...Every year you have to start over and every time it's as equally painful...
Here's a list of my new years eve disasters...
2003, My cousins came to gothenburg to celebrate...And I haven't met the youngest of the cousingroup...she is like a copy of me with same interest etc.etc...Only part is that she is the better one in the eyes of the relatives...Well I wouldn't have been so upset by it if they wouldn't have told me...5 minutes before midnight...but well it's hard hearing it when you are 16...so my new years I spend it all alone at a playground with one firecracker...
2004. My cousins came to visit once again...and I was trying to brace myself by taking the little cousin to the icerink...
It's not the cousin that I don't like..I love her..it's the comparisions and pointing out...well anyways....it became the breaking point when my aunt yelled out why can't you do a spin?
I should have realized that I don't do iceskating...at least not the jumps..But somehow I did...I skate and I jumped...and I hurt myself really badly and had to spend new years eve sitting in the kitchen with my cat and a bowl of chips...
2005, first new years eve away from the family...I was spending time with my boyfriend and his family...out in the bush...the coldest freaking place on earth...no tv...no nothing...there's nothing you could do...and Im a city-girl so sitting in a house that had no heat surounded by woods and mountains wasn't really that funny...
We fell asleep at 00:15 fun really fun...after 2 weeks we broke up...
2006 a new boyfriend and a new city...and new bunch of people...
if there is anything that I hate is when boyfriends get themselfs drunk and then ask me if I can help them...dude what are your friends for...Im not your mother...ofcourse Im the girlfriend..but as much as you guys is in denial that we girls do nr 2 at the bathroom as much do we hate to take care of you when you are drunk...
So I end up yelling at him to take care of himself...got myself pretty drunk...and almost got rape by a lesbian girl
2007 finally I got to spend time with friends...good friends with good food and all...
only problem was that I had made plans with 3 different groups of friends....
One at the other side of the town the other one was in the middle of the town...and the other group I didn't know where they where...and trying to find a cab 23:40 isn't that smart...so I spend my new years on a mountain running around in heels trying to catch a bus...and had to walk down all the way down...after a while I found myself without friends and barefoot in the middle of the winter in the middle of central station...fell asleep at 02:00
2008. well let's see what happens tonight...All I know is that life somehow always manage to get me into trouble...really unpredictable...
I hate that...I have so much things to think about and so much to fix...
Happy new year..yeah sure
cold as ice
Every fucking winter the same shit happens...
I catch a cold and get really blowned up and can't breath, hear or see...
Which makes me very tired and grumpy...Yesterday me and my family had to go to a friends dinnerparty which made me even worse...I was so tired and hungry but it was a pain in the ass to swallow..I had to have soup...what the fuck!
Let's hope that I get well soon...since I eat medicin like candy...
Now it is so that my mother is looking for tickets to Vietnam everyday every minute so it means that if I know her well then any day now we will be on a plan and if all goes well I will end up on a plane afterward to Japan cause I've been talking about New York and Tokyo ever since I was 8...And New York is my second home so now I have to have a date with Japan to...
I think I would fit in pretty well...
But sorry people I have to go and eat some garlic and have some painkillers...
By the way...I start to train a martial art during spring...triple treath that's my iname
I catch a cold and get really blowned up and can't breath, hear or see...
Which makes me very tired and grumpy...Yesterday me and my family had to go to a friends dinnerparty which made me even worse...I was so tired and hungry but it was a pain in the ass to swallow..I had to have soup...what the fuck!
Let's hope that I get well soon...since I eat medicin like candy...
Now it is so that my mother is looking for tickets to Vietnam everyday every minute so it means that if I know her well then any day now we will be on a plan and if all goes well I will end up on a plane afterward to Japan cause I've been talking about New York and Tokyo ever since I was 8...And New York is my second home so now I have to have a date with Japan to...
I think I would fit in pretty well...
But sorry people I have to go and eat some garlic and have some painkillers...
By the way...I start to train a martial art during spring...triple treath that's my iname
I wonder if you know how we live in Gothenburg?
Listen baby!
We are not that healthy...we do drink and party but this time we are completly healthy...Just eating cheesecrackers that taste lite fart...what ever fart taste like and drink tee with lots of sugar and eat digestivecookies like it was the day before execution.
Now I've been told one to many times that I shouldn't put up horrible pictures on facebook and tagg their faces so I decided to put the pictures up at the blog...Why not? fuck integrity and let's be a bunch of show off...a little peep and a little whoopy doo doesn't hurt...
But first I just want to flash of my own homemade sushi...this is the plane...If every futurejob of mine crash into the grown with all off my other childhood dreams then Im going to move to japan to become a kickass Sushichef...Cause I know I have the sushichef in me...I just have to be aggressive...be be aggressive as we cheerleaders just to say...
well have a look and an eyetaste and tell me what you think about my sushi!
Im very aware of the facts that I did enough sushi for the whole population of Japan
But we like sushi and we like a lot of it...enough to feed the whole family for 4 days...4 days until I can spend
christmas with my loved one...
It's going to be awsome and fun and sweet and a bit fruitcakey but still
now for the pictures that you wish you never saw...
The sophisticated one
The hungry one
The phoney one
The Tyra Banks wannabe
The drinker
Taste funny?
The Flirty one
The three course deluxe meal
We are not that healthy...we do drink and party but this time we are completly healthy...Just eating cheesecrackers that taste lite fart...what ever fart taste like and drink tee with lots of sugar and eat digestivecookies like it was the day before execution.
Now I've been told one to many times that I shouldn't put up horrible pictures on facebook and tagg their faces so I decided to put the pictures up at the blog...Why not? fuck integrity and let's be a bunch of show off...a little peep and a little whoopy doo doesn't hurt...
But first I just want to flash of my own homemade sushi...this is the plane...If every futurejob of mine crash into the grown with all off my other childhood dreams then Im going to move to japan to become a kickass Sushichef...Cause I know I have the sushichef in me...I just have to be aggressive...be be aggressive as we cheerleaders just to say...
well have a look and an eyetaste and tell me what you think about my sushi!
Im very aware of the facts that I did enough sushi for the whole population of Japan
But we like sushi and we like a lot of it...enough to feed the whole family for 4 days...4 days until I can spend
christmas with my loved one...
It's going to be awsome and fun and sweet and a bit fruitcakey but still
now for the pictures that you wish you never saw...
The sophisticated one
The hungry one
The phoney one
The Tyra Banks wannabe
The drinker
Taste funny?
The Flirty one
The three course deluxe meal
I am the One
I have done this since I started at KomCtv:
H.C Andersen 30 min (a project that took a lot of time, not my best job but still)
BudoXpert (cameraman, it was fun to run around in a shop full of toys and weapons)
Peter Kay Mortensen 30 min gånger 2 (he was a bit blank, nice guy but blank)
Lizette Risgaard 30 min (she looked a bit grey because of the scarf)
Vinprogram med Vinekspert Finn Klysner (yes got drunk after the recording) 30 min
Mads Lebech (Major of Frederiksberg, what a dilf haha) 30 min
Vibeke Storm Rasmussen 30 min (all by my self I did it all by my self myyyyy selllfff traaalllalala)
Frank Johansson 30 min (ensam all alone m9ed programmet där också)
Per Christensen 30 min (han var hot, riktig dilf)
Anders Bondo Christensen 30 min (my gaad how cute he looks like harry potter)
Steen Gade politiker, FILMADE OCH LJUSSATTE OCH ljudtekniker ( dock var ljudet lite bad men jag tar på mig det) pang boomshakalak madda fakkalak klippningen är inte min uppgift så nån har fakkat det totalt
Just don't get fooled that my name aint in the credits since I haven't change the names from the old credits...but it's copyrajt KOMCtv / LILI PHAM / Im a whoop your ass you don't believe me!
I have shit to do people...Got to go!
H.C Andersen 30 min (a project that took a lot of time, not my best job but still)
BudoXpert (cameraman, it was fun to run around in a shop full of toys and weapons)
Peter Kay Mortensen 30 min gånger 2 (he was a bit blank, nice guy but blank)
Lizette Risgaard 30 min (she looked a bit grey because of the scarf)
Vinprogram med Vinekspert Finn Klysner (yes got drunk after the recording) 30 min
Mads Lebech (Major of Frederiksberg, what a dilf haha) 30 min
Vibeke Storm Rasmussen 30 min (all by my self I did it all by my self myyyyy selllfff traaalllalala)
Frank Johansson 30 min (ensam all alone m9ed programmet där också)
Per Christensen 30 min (han var hot, riktig dilf)
Anders Bondo Christensen 30 min (my gaad how cute he looks like harry potter)
Steen Gade politiker, FILMADE OCH LJUSSATTE OCH ljudtekniker ( dock var ljudet lite bad men jag tar på mig det) pang boomshakalak madda fakkalak klippningen är inte min uppgift så nån har fakkat det totalt
Just don't get fooled that my name aint in the credits since I haven't change the names from the old credits...but it's copyrajt KOMCtv / LILI PHAM / Im a whoop your ass you don't believe me!
I have shit to do people...Got to go!
They call me icequeen from hell
I don't like this anymore...This bloging thing...and even thru that I blog and it's so boring...I find that Im not that good at promoting myself in a good way with outfits and pictures...I just say that Im good and that I do good thing...that's it...
But one thing...there was an earthquake today in Skåne...amazingly I didn't felt it...But everybody else that I know did...Skåne was in shock...I on the other hand had to get to work...I had to impress and since I was on my own with the studio I had to kick ass...And now it's going broadcast on the internet and the radio...Im goodie good...
earthquake or not I had to get to work and do my shit...
one thing more shocking then earthquake is that my mother has got a facebook-profile....I don't like that...not with all my pictures but what can I do...what will she do? trow me into the earthquake? yes probably...
well Im going to take a shower and get off the smell of cookies...since my gymnasts and I had a little last-practice-before-christmas-celebration I made everyone bring with them cookies and we had alot of cookies...so we ate and where happy and laughed til we cried and spilled and ate and just get chunkie....
Happy christmas all my little gymnasts and see you soon very soon
But one thing...there was an earthquake today in Skåne...amazingly I didn't felt it...But everybody else that I know did...Skåne was in shock...I on the other hand had to get to work...I had to impress and since I was on my own with the studio I had to kick ass...And now it's going broadcast on the internet and the radio...Im goodie good...
earthquake or not I had to get to work and do my shit...
one thing more shocking then earthquake is that my mother has got a facebook-profile....I don't like that...not with all my pictures but what can I do...what will she do? trow me into the earthquake? yes probably...
well Im going to take a shower and get off the smell of cookies...since my gymnasts and I had a little last-practice-before-christmas-celebration I made everyone bring with them cookies and we had alot of cookies...so we ate and where happy and laughed til we cried and spilled and ate and just get chunkie....
Happy christmas all my little gymnasts and see you soon very soon
Take my breath away
Yes this song makes me want to get on a motorcycle...and yes tom cruise is less crazy here and it's good to listen to these kind of heartbreaking songs...not cause you're heartbroken but everyones got a dramaqueen on the inside that just want to get out and cry standing on a mountain...This is the song for that
It's a good karaokesong if you want to kill the partymode and make everybody crawl into the corner and slowdance...
and a perfect song for the trainstation...imagine your loved one running after you at the trainstation to this....Makes any macho-nacho a crybaby...
Im like this because I've been to a funeral to a relative...Not only was he family to some but he was a womans love...Imagine the pain to go to you loved ones funeral...no matter what age...it's terrible and as much as I miss him as family, I realize when I stood there holding the women that was by his side til the end how heartbreaking that was...I couldn't stop crying cause it felt horrible that she had to say goodbye...
Im so emotional nowadays and I need to be...it's christmas and it's a time you need to be with those you love...No matter who or where...You just need to slave...
It's a good karaokesong if you want to kill the partymode and make everybody crawl into the corner and slowdance...
and a perfect song for the trainstation...imagine your loved one running after you at the trainstation to this....Makes any macho-nacho a crybaby...
Im like this because I've been to a funeral to a relative...Not only was he family to some but he was a womans love...Imagine the pain to go to you loved ones funeral...no matter what age...it's terrible and as much as I miss him as family, I realize when I stood there holding the women that was by his side til the end how heartbreaking that was...I couldn't stop crying cause it felt horrible that she had to say goodbye...
Im so emotional nowadays and I need to be...it's christmas and it's a time you need to be with those you love...No matter who or where...You just need to slave...
good times bad times...
Im going to make a list of things bad things that I have done and what good it came out of it...
Not to bore the hell out of you but it's for myself...self-inflict at it's best...Hopefully I learn one or another....
1. the bad part Got a piercing on my lower lip...got it infected and removed after 3 weeks
the good part is that it really didn't go well with my preppy cheerleading look back then
2. the good part was when I went all by myself to NYC to become wiser and older.
the bad part was when I went into saks fifth avenue and bought a chanel foundations for about 600 swedish crowns within 5 minutes after entering the shop
3. the bad part Moving to skåne in the first place.
the good part...denmark is just on the other side of the bridge
4. the bad part is that I've lost my drivinglicens...I still have permission to drive just that I lost the card
the good part...I look damn good on the picture so who ever found has probably kept it for further masturbation-moments
5. the good part was when I started to make gingerbread-house yesterday
the bad part is that Im turning into a desperate housewife...
there's more to come...Im just so darn busy right now....
the dragon will return soon....
Not to bore the hell out of you but it's for myself...self-inflict at it's best...Hopefully I learn one or another....
1. the bad part Got a piercing on my lower lip...got it infected and removed after 3 weeks
the good part is that it really didn't go well with my preppy cheerleading look back then
2. the good part was when I went all by myself to NYC to become wiser and older.
the bad part was when I went into saks fifth avenue and bought a chanel foundations for about 600 swedish crowns within 5 minutes after entering the shop
3. the bad part Moving to skåne in the first place.
the good part...denmark is just on the other side of the bridge
4. the bad part is that I've lost my drivinglicens...I still have permission to drive just that I lost the card
the good part...I look damn good on the picture so who ever found has probably kept it for further masturbation-moments
5. the good part was when I started to make gingerbread-house yesterday
the bad part is that Im turning into a desperate housewife...
there's more to come...Im just so darn busy right now....
the dragon will return soon....
Victorias secret fashion show 2008
listen maddafucks...I live and breath the show...one day I will be on that team creating the show...I know every single angle and every single signaturewalk ever from the shows and every models names...
It's a bit crazy I know....but hey it's a good obsession...one thing that I am thrilled about is that they have used the killers new song "human" and I knew it...I knew all along that there is a song that is going to be perfect in the show and it did...
The girls looks lovely...the killers sounds great...the walks are a bit woobly for some models...Doutzen and Candice My favorite models of all times nailed their walk and performance straight on...Im obsessed with this...fashion lingerie and the killers
Merry Christmas everybody enjoy...
watch the show here
It's a bit crazy I know....but hey it's a good obsession...one thing that I am thrilled about is that they have used the killers new song "human" and I knew it...I knew all along that there is a song that is going to be perfect in the show and it did...
The girls looks lovely...the killers sounds great...the walks are a bit woobly for some models...Doutzen and Candice My favorite models of all times nailed their walk and performance straight on...Im obsessed with this...fashion lingerie and the killers
Doutzen
Candice
Merry Christmas everybody enjoy...
watch the show here
There's only Lili in the world
Oh mother of Jesus this is going well...I think...
I figured that if I keep my energy up...Keep rollin´on the river I might get this project that Im working on at my internship finished on time...And if I'll managed that, Im blowing all my money on a trip to Japan this summer...For real...this is it...You got to aim high...and to make an impact you have to go to the extreme...
My life is changing...the more you get to the end the more you realized that you are getting into the game..
You have to put all of you into one thing even if it turns out completly wrong...
when you travel like me to denmark back and forth every day...3h ride back and forth every day...
You get time to reflect over things...discover people on the train and listen to music...read books...
and going into your own thoughts...
how do you know if the man of your life isn't going to be a man in your life?
I mean that if you know that everything is right...well life is never right...it is wrong and complicated and sometimes confusing but I mean that if you know that you can give up all the good and the bad for him...and you feel like he is as good as it can get...as good as I deserve...how can you feel that he is right if you know that he can't do right and be right?
Is it natures way of saying that I can't get everything I want?
well what if I don't want anything?
will I get something or nothing or is it more that it isn't ment to be that I should have anything...not less him....
As he where saying..."I haven't made any promises about our future"
which is probably the best comment ever told and the most honest answer I have ever got from a man...
I have to ask everyone of you readers?
If you know the end is near? if you know and feel that this is soon to be over what do you do?
a. Be creative and try to stop the end from coming
b. Eliminate everything that has to do with the end
c. pretend like it won't happen and be surpriced when it happens
if everything feels too good to be true what can you do?
a. break it all of because there's always a catch
b. ask for more since you know that there's a catch and you want to suck it all out before it ends?
c. pretend that there's no catch and everything is perfect.
If he breaks your heart, in which way do you think that he would do it?
a. he calls you fat
b. he calls your mother fat
c. he becomes fat?
if you end up with a broken heart what would you likely do the moment right after that?
a. end up with a broken fist because you punched him
b. cry til he feels akward and take it all back
c. get another man that looks like him and better
why do you think that I made this test?
a. Im overanalyzing the whole situation
b. Im inlove and afraid
c. it's 1am in the morning and Im bored.
If you mostly get A then you are definitly overanalyzing this whole blogg...A true dramaqueen...
If you mostly get B then you are definitly a sensitive person...A true whooped pussy
If you mostly get C then you are definitly a bit tired...a true Lili at 1am in the morning
I figured that if I keep my energy up...Keep rollin´on the river I might get this project that Im working on at my internship finished on time...And if I'll managed that, Im blowing all my money on a trip to Japan this summer...For real...this is it...You got to aim high...and to make an impact you have to go to the extreme...
My life is changing...the more you get to the end the more you realized that you are getting into the game..
You have to put all of you into one thing even if it turns out completly wrong...
when you travel like me to denmark back and forth every day...3h ride back and forth every day...
You get time to reflect over things...discover people on the train and listen to music...read books...
and going into your own thoughts...
how do you know if the man of your life isn't going to be a man in your life?
I mean that if you know that everything is right...well life is never right...it is wrong and complicated and sometimes confusing but I mean that if you know that you can give up all the good and the bad for him...and you feel like he is as good as it can get...as good as I deserve...how can you feel that he is right if you know that he can't do right and be right?
Is it natures way of saying that I can't get everything I want?
well what if I don't want anything?
will I get something or nothing or is it more that it isn't ment to be that I should have anything...not less him....
As he where saying..."I haven't made any promises about our future"
which is probably the best comment ever told and the most honest answer I have ever got from a man...
I have to ask everyone of you readers?
If you know the end is near? if you know and feel that this is soon to be over what do you do?
a. Be creative and try to stop the end from coming
b. Eliminate everything that has to do with the end
c. pretend like it won't happen and be surpriced when it happens
if everything feels too good to be true what can you do?
a. break it all of because there's always a catch
b. ask for more since you know that there's a catch and you want to suck it all out before it ends?
c. pretend that there's no catch and everything is perfect.
If he breaks your heart, in which way do you think that he would do it?
a. he calls you fat
b. he calls your mother fat
c. he becomes fat?
if you end up with a broken heart what would you likely do the moment right after that?
a. end up with a broken fist because you punched him
b. cry til he feels akward and take it all back
c. get another man that looks like him and better
why do you think that I made this test?
a. Im overanalyzing the whole situation
b. Im inlove and afraid
c. it's 1am in the morning and Im bored.
If you mostly get A then you are definitly overanalyzing this whole blogg...A true dramaqueen...
If you mostly get B then you are definitly a sensitive person...A true whooped pussy
If you mostly get C then you are definitly a bit tired...a true Lili at 1am in the morning
