recently my ego is going through the roof
time: 02:49
activity: Music and Food
participants: Lili
chapter one:
2005, first year as a gymnasticleader, 17 years old going on 18...
My own coach had a course for all the leaders at the club...A course about diet and health...
Cause the worst thing that a gymnast can do is to have an eating disorder...And it was our responsability to tell our gymnasts about food and healthy food especially.
I used to eat 2 hours before every practice...pasta was a good start...and alot of vegetables...I love vegetables I can eat a package of carrots in no times and paprika please it's like fruit...
And after every training I always have a fruit and a big bottle of water...No wonder I had no problems with 4 days of training with 2 different teams plus my own team of gymnast.
chapter two:
2007 just turned 20...had ups and downs...a breakup...almost at the level of a divorce...my friends his friend my thing his things...Started to work alot...almost to much...short breaks and alot of candy...and coffe...if you work at an office then coffe is both your hero and villain...
so I started to drink more coffe then usual...
The big turn was when I bought a termo-mug...Portable coffe to work and school and at school there was a coffemachine and at work someone always brought me coffe cause well...Look at me Im cute...
It started of with coffe...and after a while I ended up with mr coffe himself...driversteacher...
You could say that he was my dealer and I was the crazy coffeaddict...
he had the espresso machine Nespresso....Look it up it's the machine made by evil coffemakers that wants to slowly pull you into the world of the brown liquid drug...
chapter three:
2008, september...Denmark, Copenhagen, Long days and 3 hours trainride back and forth everyday to the office in denmark...I did eat well some days...Not everyday...But most of the time...
the coffe was still there...the portable coffemug was with me almost everyday...and the more coffe I drank the harder the gymnastic went and the harder that went, even more nauseas did I get...and it ends up with a back that hurts...a neck that is capute...and muscles that gives up once in a while...
It went a bit to far and to bad with my diet that I looked like something just died on my face...No energy in my body...
and then he came along that blue eyed dude that gave me a banana..
And well if a girl gets a banana we don't say no to that....the big yellow banana made my day but I was still trapped in the evil world of candy and coffe...
chapter four:
last day of practice...freedom? no...back to the old life...No...
I was in a relationship...well a kind of relationship..well no not a relationship...more like a situation...and situations after situations and after on and off again...me and the banana-dude where confused...no communications...one to many times standing in the rain with tears..one to many times acting like a damn fool...one to many times both of us didn't quite appreciated the moment and got caught up in bad thoughts...
My diet started to walk away from me...
1 big latte 1 croissant 3 pingvinstång...
that was my breakfast at 8
that was my dinner at 17 and that was my late night supper at 21...
Interesting how this 5 little things can turn you upside down..
and you get completly koko...
and then you mess up your own sleepcycle and trow up occasionally after activitys...No Im not pregnant...cause that would be the easy part...and I don't have an eating disorder since I believe that bacon and pancakes are Gods gift to the people...
And I can eat food..Im hungry all the time...But my ego has been running of somewhere far away...
I haven't been eating for 36 hours...and sleeping for less then 5 hours per day...I woke up at 14 yesterday and had the strange feeling that I just eat my whole family...It was me hallucinating and hungry which explanes why I dreamt that I just eat my whole family...
chapter five:
copenhagen wine homemade chocolatetryffles made by me...and then Im up to almost 48 hours without proper food in my stomach...from 00:00 - 05:35 no sleep...05:36 He has closed his eyes...heavy breathing..and a little snoreing...
I don't mind it...I just breath in for a while...it was difficult to fall asleep cause I could hear my own heartbeats...and then at I think it was at 8:30 or maybe 9 Im not sure...But it was about then where I felt that my eyes where falling...And just the second before I fall to sleep he wakes up...such a bad timing...I sleep for a while for how long I don't now...
But when I started to open my eyes I felt nauseas again...really bad...I felt drunk and it felt like having a fever.
and then he showed up again...I didn't hallucinate that and he wasn't gone...I got some breakfast and greentea and muesli and ricemilk and applejuice and multivitamins and well the rest of the day went well really well even with bad news it still went well...
chapter six:
Malmö C. I fell asleep the whole way from Norreport to Malmö...
I was thirsty and found myself walking to espressohouse...I felt like the whole day with him and with greentea was something that Im about to sacrifice for a cup of coffe and Im going back to my old diet and life...
the cashier open her mouth asking me what I wanted to drink and I heard myself say:
- I would like that wholemeal salmon sandwich and a cup of greentea please...
I got my cup and sandwich and sat down for a while to wake up...and then I realized that I just order a cup of greentea when I could order a big latte and a cookie. This is not a trend thing this is for real now...I forgot to mention that I have found my best nap-partner...It is a huge step...just falling asleep with a person...That moment when you just sleep...
No stress no obligations no confusion...It was a powernap...just for an hour just an hour where both your mind and soul is at standby...
Im going to bed now and the time right now is 04:24
it's late I know but Im feeling good...if you can't reach me for hours and maybe even a day it's because Im catching up on my sleeping...
Goodnight folks
activity: Music and Food
participants: Lili
chapter one:
2005, first year as a gymnasticleader, 17 years old going on 18...
My own coach had a course for all the leaders at the club...A course about diet and health...
Cause the worst thing that a gymnast can do is to have an eating disorder...And it was our responsability to tell our gymnasts about food and healthy food especially.
I used to eat 2 hours before every practice...pasta was a good start...and alot of vegetables...I love vegetables I can eat a package of carrots in no times and paprika please it's like fruit...
And after every training I always have a fruit and a big bottle of water...No wonder I had no problems with 4 days of training with 2 different teams plus my own team of gymnast.
chapter two:
2007 just turned 20...had ups and downs...a breakup...almost at the level of a divorce...my friends his friend my thing his things...Started to work alot...almost to much...short breaks and alot of candy...and coffe...if you work at an office then coffe is both your hero and villain...
so I started to drink more coffe then usual...
The big turn was when I bought a termo-mug...Portable coffe to work and school and at school there was a coffemachine and at work someone always brought me coffe cause well...Look at me Im cute...
It started of with coffe...and after a while I ended up with mr coffe himself...driversteacher...
You could say that he was my dealer and I was the crazy coffeaddict...
he had the espresso machine Nespresso....Look it up it's the machine made by evil coffemakers that wants to slowly pull you into the world of the brown liquid drug...
chapter three:
2008, september...Denmark, Copenhagen, Long days and 3 hours trainride back and forth everyday to the office in denmark...I did eat well some days...Not everyday...But most of the time...
the coffe was still there...the portable coffemug was with me almost everyday...and the more coffe I drank the harder the gymnastic went and the harder that went, even more nauseas did I get...and it ends up with a back that hurts...a neck that is capute...and muscles that gives up once in a while...
It went a bit to far and to bad with my diet that I looked like something just died on my face...No energy in my body...
and then he came along that blue eyed dude that gave me a banana..
And well if a girl gets a banana we don't say no to that....the big yellow banana made my day but I was still trapped in the evil world of candy and coffe...
chapter four:
last day of practice...freedom? no...back to the old life...No...
I was in a relationship...well a kind of relationship..well no not a relationship...more like a situation...and situations after situations and after on and off again...me and the banana-dude where confused...no communications...one to many times standing in the rain with tears..one to many times acting like a damn fool...one to many times both of us didn't quite appreciated the moment and got caught up in bad thoughts...
My diet started to walk away from me...
1 big latte 1 croissant 3 pingvinstång...
that was my breakfast at 8
that was my dinner at 17 and that was my late night supper at 21...
Interesting how this 5 little things can turn you upside down..
and you get completly koko...
and then you mess up your own sleepcycle and trow up occasionally after activitys...No Im not pregnant...cause that would be the easy part...and I don't have an eating disorder since I believe that bacon and pancakes are Gods gift to the people...
And I can eat food..Im hungry all the time...But my ego has been running of somewhere far away...
I haven't been eating for 36 hours...and sleeping for less then 5 hours per day...I woke up at 14 yesterday and had the strange feeling that I just eat my whole family...It was me hallucinating and hungry which explanes why I dreamt that I just eat my whole family...
chapter five:
copenhagen wine homemade chocolatetryffles made by me...and then Im up to almost 48 hours without proper food in my stomach...from 00:00 - 05:35 no sleep...05:36 He has closed his eyes...heavy breathing..and a little snoreing...
I don't mind it...I just breath in for a while...it was difficult to fall asleep cause I could hear my own heartbeats...and then at I think it was at 8:30 or maybe 9 Im not sure...But it was about then where I felt that my eyes where falling...And just the second before I fall to sleep he wakes up...such a bad timing...I sleep for a while for how long I don't now...
But when I started to open my eyes I felt nauseas again...really bad...I felt drunk and it felt like having a fever.
and then he showed up again...I didn't hallucinate that and he wasn't gone...I got some breakfast and greentea and muesli and ricemilk and applejuice and multivitamins and well the rest of the day went well really well even with bad news it still went well...
chapter six:
Malmö C. I fell asleep the whole way from Norreport to Malmö...
I was thirsty and found myself walking to espressohouse...I felt like the whole day with him and with greentea was something that Im about to sacrifice for a cup of coffe and Im going back to my old diet and life...
the cashier open her mouth asking me what I wanted to drink and I heard myself say:
- I would like that wholemeal salmon sandwich and a cup of greentea please...
I got my cup and sandwich and sat down for a while to wake up...and then I realized that I just order a cup of greentea when I could order a big latte and a cookie. This is not a trend thing this is for real now...I forgot to mention that I have found my best nap-partner...It is a huge step...just falling asleep with a person...That moment when you just sleep...
No stress no obligations no confusion...It was a powernap...just for an hour just an hour where both your mind and soul is at standby...
Im going to bed now and the time right now is 04:24
it's late I know but Im feeling good...if you can't reach me for hours and maybe even a day it's because Im catching up on my sleeping...
Goodnight folks
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